The Ravings of a hate filled man

struck tower

2009-08-13T19:46:00.000+10:00

Another frame from the Lightning storm that hit Toronto a few days ago.

In other news, Toronto After Dark Film Festival starts tomorrow at Bloor cinema, and another Zombie walk is happening on Sunday. It'll be a busy week.

Also below is a video assembled from 347 frames of the photos shot on the night of the storm.

Toronto Lightning Storm from Sam Javanrouh on Vimeo.

Tree Lungs

2009-04-26T17:20:00.001+10:00

Tree Lungs
Originally uploaded by xdvxas

Very Creative add from thw WWF. Me like very muchly :)

Wild possum runs rampant through Wests Leagues Club, Leumeah

2009-02-24T11:29:00.001+11:00

Paganini_Caprice_no_24

2009-02-07T23:43:00.001+11:00

The soloist is (prob) LiJie. Whoever she is she is very good.. Very good indeed.

The music that she is playing is also used in the film Crossroads (the duel at the end).. Though this version manages to put Stevie Vai to shame..

Crossroads Full Headcuttin' Duel

2009-01-27T20:29:00.001+11:00

This is a superb clip from an old movie. I do really like the last bit (that Stevie Vai) stuffs up.. Before he kills it that sounds absolutely brilliant.

2009-01-27T13:10:00.001+11:00

This vid is one many that Warner Music (or Warner we'll sue anyone who might sell our music for us) has taken down from Youtube. Shame on Google for falling for it and Shame on warner for being money hungry assholes

TANKS IN MY MEMORY - Bye, George

2009-01-26T08:52:00.001+11:00

Great Clip..

A good way to describe the last 8 years

Anyone Home

2008-09-14T19:45:00.001+10:00

Anyone Home
Originally uploaded by blue foot

Anyone seen my ipod?

To Anonymous/Scientology

2008-09-09T08:57:00.001+10:00

Scientology is trying to take down all critical videos. It's time to get them out and about and on to as many sites as possible. And NOW!!

Diana Krall: Cry me a river

2008-08-16T12:59:00.001+10:00

Yusuf (Cat Stevens) - Peace Train - Nobel Concert 2006

2008-08-16T12:38:00.003+10:00

One of many I've tried to post

Yusuf Islam - Where do the children play

2008-08-16T12:38:00.001+10:00

Ronan Keating ft. Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens)-Father And Son

2008-08-16T12:20:00.001+10:00

I like this, and I seem to be having trouble embedding stuff at the moment. So lets see if it works or not.

The Process

2008-08-16T12:18:00.001+10:00

Quite good

THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF TEST

2008-08-16T12:14:00.001+10:00

McSame is just man who keeps on giving.. How can anyone actually take this idiot seriously.

dixie chicks not ready to make nice

2008-08-16T11:35:00.001+10:00

I'm not ready.. Forgive sounds good.. Forget I'm not sure I could...

Describes my family.. The insanity of my family...

Trying another video

2008-08-05T21:18:00.002+10:00

If it's works it's a good one.

If it doesn't here's a link that should work anyway..

http://www.break.com/index/amazing-blob-jump-launch.html

Forgiveness

2008-08-04T13:30:00.001+10:00

How do I forgive myself?

I who am nothing, no worse than nothing. Everything I am is a travesty of what I once was. Everything that was important to me I have walked away from. Everyone who was close to me I have hurt them and walked away. Everything I once held sacred has turned to ash.

It's a nasty place to be, and it's where I am. Hatred yes of myself, of others, I claim that I was forced into this mess. Forced by my family, my insane family.

Normality? What is that?

Is it what they claim I must be. Or is it what I choose. What I choose isn't normal. I have no friends, only acquaintances. I who trust no one. I who have being betrayed too much, and too deeply to trust anyone, even myself, ever again.

"Oh you could turn to God". I could. But I consider the Christian God to have the morals, and manners, of a spoilt child. And the others are worse.

The Church.. "Fuck the children, protect the church.. " In more ways than one. I can never go back. Not now. The hurt, the hatred, the anger is just too deep.

It's a bleakness, a blackness, that is more extreme than any outsider could ever imagine. The next thing of course is what next. I could kill myself... HA!

I wish. I have failed at everything I've ever tried including suicide.. Multiple attempts.. I have given up on it.. Someone, somewhere, is determined to keep me going for something. All that I can is to endure. The anger, the fear, the lonliness, the frustration. It's a very nasty place to be.

Family.. I'm not allowed to move.. (Unless I walk away from a trust fund that is my only source of income..) Not allowed pets.. Not allowed to work.. Not allowed to study. No allowed to do anything except sit here and rot...

Fuck em..

Yet...

As an unemployable middle aged male walking away from everything, even as uncomfortable and loathsome as my life is, is a hard decision.

I am who I am.. Yet what I am is dieing.

Dieing inside.

This is my nightmare. This is my dream. This is the travesty that is my life..

Problems with videos

2008-08-01T01:35:00.001+10:00

I have no idea what I'm doing wrong but I can't get you tube videos to come up at the moment. I'm going to keep trying though I've got a couple of good ones that I'd like to put up here.. If I could only work out how.

Forgive - wikiHow

2008-07-25T00:15:00.000+10:00

Forgive - wikiHow

Joan Osborne - What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted - [STEREO]

2008-07-23T18:38:00.001+10:00

This can only be called fabulous.. It's better than the original.. A lot better

Death, delayed, and other things

2008-06-01T21:16:00.002+10:00

Death. I've being forced to look hard at the face of death of the last two days. I have watched my father on his death bed.

Six days ago he had a stroke, his second serious one, unlike the earlier one(s) -most of which he told no one about-, this one is rather serious. No movement on one side no movement of his lower face. Internal bleeding, causing more (minor) strokes, no control over his throat. And more. The clear consensus is that he is dieing.

I had, originally, being told it was not all that bad. Then last Wednesday his condition started to deteriorate. By Friday it was bad enough that the entire family was called together, including in one case a nephew who flew in from Perth.

That was after he had spent the day day of Friday emphatically refusing both food and water. Having people there all weekend though made a difference. He is now slightly better, still dieing, but now it's going to be several day, if not weeks. And that is causing chaos.

Everyone was willing to put things to one side for the end of his life but the delay is causing a mess. There are business contracts that have to be delivered on, there are jobs that people have to go back to, house (and rent) payments to make.

It is all very very messy.

I've left, and I'm feeling more than slightly cowardly about having done so, yet I know that sometime in the next week, or two (no more than that according to four Dr's) I'll be back down there for the funeral.

It's depressing but that's not the subject of this post as such. I can cope with it, but for everyone else with their rigid schedules to keep it is causing chaos.

My relationship with my family can only be described as crap. Yet my father, in spite of him disowning me at my twentieth birthday party, wasn't actually all that bad, he at least made some attempt to apologize (probably the only one in my immediate family who has ever done so).

I don't particularly feel close to him, but then again that goes for everyone in my family, but at least I had no reason to have fresh fights with him. I'll miss him when he's gone, yet in some ways I won't. The delay only makes that harder.

It's one thing to steel yourself for someones death but when the death is delayed for a week, or two, it makes the process that much more drawn out and painful.

Weird times, painful times..

TiO

Rei Cosplay

2008-05-24T06:34:00.001+10:00

Rei Cosplay
Originally uploaded by Enchanted Collection

This is a beautiful photo, even for people who can't understand what it's from. NGE (In case people don't know.. Neon Genesis Evangelion, she's dressed as one of the characters.)

This is from a very good set at flikr, I would suggest that people take a look at the entire set for it is good.

The Day There Was No News

2008-05-19T01:29:00.001+10:00

The Day There Was No News
Originally uploaded by Pixelsurgeon

Today there was no news..

(Not totally original, according to the authors comments, but he didn't know of the earlier version.. And it's not bad)

Butterfly Macro (1)

2008-05-18T20:15:00.001+10:00

Butterfly Macro (1)
Originally uploaded by -terry-

Just spotted this on Flickr.. Great Photo.. (Or at least I think it's ok :) )

Thoughts

2008-05-10T16:22:00.001+10:00

Haven't posted for some time. Haven't being this full of hatred and anger for quite some time.

Mothers day.. Mothers way.. My second least favorite day of the year (behind Xmas, which is the one day that even I can't get out of spending with my family). I'll have to ring, be polite, listen to her lie to me for twenty minutes, then she'll spend another twenty trying to make me feel guilty (Well, he's someone who your might have known -25 years ago- and he's in jail and it's your fault -somehow-)

My family. Everything thing which could go wrong in a family (with the POSSIBLE exception of the Fritzel family -from Austria-) has gone wrong with mine. When your worst enemies when your biggest hassle is with your family.. Yuck..

TiO (The Insane One.. So I was named so I shall remain..)

Food Fight

2008-05-04T23:01:00.001+10:00

Interesting, and quite good, video. It's a food fight with a difference.

Passwords

2008-03-31T14:54:00.001+11:00

I've being having fun for a week or so now reloading everything (again).. One day humanity might actually make a decent computer (or at least a decent OS to go on the computer) but obviously not just yet. One of the sites I've found while I've being reloading though has being this one.

Passwordmeter

It's a handy site for checking the strenght of the password(s) that you use. I however thought I'd get more than 46%... See what you get for your standard passwords.

Thoughts.

2008-03-25T11:50:00.001+11:00

I am spending so much time on one site lately I'd better give them a plug.

Kongregate is a games site that has some very good games on it.. It's a great way to waste a week..

(A week of course where I should have being doing other things)

Such is life... and death... :)

www.adme.ru (Vodka ad)

2008-03-13T09:44:00.001+11:00

A very good ad. Perhaps the only one I've noticed and liked that I still like the next morning.. :)

Missing posts(s)

2008-03-10T22:12:00.001+11:00

With my memory I can't be entirely sure I didn't accidentally erase it but at least two posts I've made in the last 24 hours just aren't showing up.

Time to change posting software although what I'm using now (Scribefire) is something that I like.. It works and from within firefox, which is what I want :)

Now though is I could only work out what happened to the missing two..

Of course, with my luck, if I repost them they'll show up multiple times..

A couple of handy sites

2008-03-04T20:12:00.001+11:00

A list of obsolete skills. It's a handy, and fun site to visit...
http://obsoleteskills.com/Skills/Skills

Something else I like, is linkblip.

Send someone a link and you want to know if they click on it or not, then shorten the link using linkblip. Works much the same as tinyurl and those places but linkblip sends you an email when someone clicks on the link. However having said that it gives the rather distinct impression that whoever started it was caught out buy just how popular it has started to become.. He'll probably sell it for a million or so... Ah it would be nice..

Random Thoughts

2008-03-04T20:06:00.001+11:00

Another day older and deeper in debt goes the old song. I know what they mean.

This post is basically just to say that I am still going with this blog, I know I haven't posted in ages. But hopefully this will be the first of a batch of changes..

TiO

The Little Girl Giant

2008-02-20T06:42:00.001+11:00

Different, that's all I'll say

Frozen Grand Central

2008-02-03T16:22:00.001+11:00

i'm posting way to many vids, but oh well. This one is good. 207 people freeze in grand central station. The reactions are interesting.

Anonymous' Third Video

2008-01-30T06:10:00.001+11:00

This is the third vid from anonymous. This is starting to get interesting. Time has a good piece as well. The cult of Greed and power, that describes the church well.

Message to Scientology

2008-01-22T13:23:00.001+11:00

They are a cult, and this is no less than what they deserve.

Crazy Weather

2008-01-01T02:16:00.001+11:00

Weather.

The weather in this country is truly getting out of control. 2:00am and it's too hot to sleep and just gone through a temp rise.. Yet I still know people who deny that global warming exists.

The of course there is my family who deny that it has anything to do with them, actually according to them it's all my fault and I only need to admit it and then the world would be right again..

I actually pity there world view. What they loose, what they never had; they shall never know.

(edited to fix up spelling mistakes)

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas / Xmas

2007-12-28T00:33:00.001+11:00

A little late. The song is by the Drifters, the animation was done by joshua held

Merry Christmas - Jingle Bells Song

2007-12-07T18:01:00.001+11:00

Warning NSFW.

But quite good.

Big Machines Dancing ( Ballet Excavators )

2007-12-07T17:42:00.001+11:00

After seeing this I have finally run out of excuses for not dancing anymore. It's poetry from big machines, and more than a little different

Killdozer Helicopter News Footage

2007-11-27T19:55:00.001+11:00

Starts slowly but develops into the demolition of a town. Ouch...

Ramblings 2

2007-11-27T12:48:00.003+11:00

Ramblings, or perhaps Ravings, Part two.

Time.. Or the extreme Lack of it.

A miracle has happened today. The sun is out, the day is great, I feel like doing things and most imporatently of all I don't have visitors here.

That is change, a severe change for me. I managed, somehow, to survive five years where I just could not go anywhere. I would have people, none of who I wanted to see, banging on my door from 7:00am every day.

If I opened the door they would be there talking.. Moaning, Whining and complaining until I shut the door in there faces. That was everyday for five years... Every attempt to get away from that and to get back to something approaching normal life was blocked. Every attempt. Between the bullshit from my family. ("You just can't be allowed to do that" which managed to translate as "You aren't allowed to do anything unless we discuss it for six months and take away anything that could possibly be of use to you, anything which could even begin to suggest that you may be able to do things without us knowing about in advance. We must talk about it, make sure that we destroy anything you want or like and then leave you the shit that remains.." And yes they did say exactly that one day..) The worlds worst Real Estate Agent.. (Who is going to remain nameless for now.. Truth is no defense under Australian Libel laws..) And some of the biggest idiots I have ever met in blue clown suits it was a hard time. Very hard..

I was forced to drop everything I once held sacred, simply in order to survive. My family is poisoned the less contact I have with them the better. My career went nowhere, and is now dead. Rather than poison her as well I was forced to walk away from my daughter (it's now about 14 years since the last time I saw her). I spent 7 years off the net. For someone who was on the early internet right from the very begining that was perhaps the hardest of all.

Everyone I knew has moved on, while I could chase them up I see no point in it. They are all, or mainly, net millionaires by now.. I am what I am, which is not all that much...

I was forced to drop all that simply to survive. It was a horrid time. A total lack of medical assistance is something else which I find unforgiveable in all that too. There is a hell of lot of anger and frustration there.

I know, even without a lot of idiots trying to tell me, that then when you get down to it all that the anger and frustration does is to make my life worse. I'm not affecting any others (at least once I moved away from Steve and stopped making his life the hell that he deserved) the only person being hurt by the hate and the anger is me. That however does not mean that I don't have the right to be angry (like some have claimed, including some who really should have known better)

Having said all that though no one, not me nor anyone else, can live entirely on hate. It's a corrosive emotion, it bubbles through everything and ultimately all it does is to destroy.

Enigma.

Technorati Tags family,rambling

Ramblings 1

2007-11-26T23:43:00.001+11:00

This is actually what I'd always intended this blog to be from the start. I never quite got there though.

The blackness, the bleakness is finally starting to lift.

Just being able to say that much is somewhat of a wonder. The longer I think, the longer I'm out of the bleakness the less sure I become about when it started. I wouldn't be too surprised if I have being in a continuous depression for most of my life.

However becoming less sure of myself, as I surface from the fog, is something which I should only expect. That's how life is, or at least that's how my life is. Something which I came across many years ago is still as relevant today as it was back then, and that is that "the more I know the less certain I become about anything." A very wise man once told me that, like so much he taught I never found it false.

Yes that phrasing is strange, 'never found it false', but that is perhaps the best way to describe it. My memory is too good. The half spoken promises, the little white lies that everyone (or at least most in my experience) tells on a daily basis. I can remember them, all of them, and that has managed to leave me more disappointed in man as a species than most could possibly imagine.

If there is a way for man (either as an individual or as a group) to stuff something up they will probably find it. And if something works and doesn't stuff things up then someone will fix that mistake up, probably, just in time to inconvenience me. Such is life though.

I am half out of the depression. Some (or perhaps most!) of what is left the anger and everything else that I go through on a daily basis is purely from habbit. I am used to depression and finding something to replace is something which I've yet to do. It will come, in time.. One thing which I have above all else is time..

Technorati Tags blog,hospital,depression,ramblings

out of luck

2007-11-24T08:30:00.001+11:00

out of luck
Originally uploaded by Avi_Abrams

If only the same thing could happen to politicians while they have their snouts in the public trough.

Election Noise

2007-11-24T08:11:00.000+11:00

Election day in Oz. Everyone goes flying out to vote.. The results, tonight (or Sunday) are going to surprise people I'd say. Everyone is tipping a Labor win. I doubt it.. Or at least it will not be the landslide that everyone keeps talking about.

4分半でわかるエヴァンゲリオンのエロいｼｰﾝ TV版

2007-11-21T22:01:00.001+11:00

I've got no idea what that title actually says but this in as interesting (almost) NSFW montage of clips from Neon Genesis Evangelion. I can remember seeing some of it on tv...

howrudd

2007-11-21T21:47:00.001+11:00

Another one from Redmond.. He has a very strange sense of humor.. Oh well he did start out as a programmer and no programmer is entirely sane.

Rabbit VS snake most viewed

2007-11-11T21:48:00.001+11:00

This is interesting, not sure if it is just two pets or not. But definately fun

Reminder to Self: Slow Down on the Caffeine

2007-08-21T18:26:00.001+10:00

Reminder to Self: Slow Down on the Caffeine
Originally uploaded by Flipped Out

For someone who drinks as much caffeine as what I do this photo is actually scary.

Normal blogging shall resume in the next couple of days.

A cat's map of the bed

2007-08-18T18:43:00.001+10:00

With two cats things get even more complex

clipped from strangemaps.files.wordpress.com

Interesting Night

2007-08-12T20:34:00.000+10:00

Spent a couple of days out of town.. first time in way to long but that's another post :)

Went to a 21st on Saturday night, the theme for the night was fluro..

It was an interesting sight.

Some notable Ig Nobels

2007-08-12T20:30:00.001+10:00

Well the people who did these things thought they were useful, at least.. (I hope)

clipped from www.theage.com.au

Some notable Ig Nobels

- 2006 ornithology winners Ivan Schwab and Philip May, of
the University of California, for explaining why woodpeckers don't
get headaches.
- 2005 nutrition winner Yoshiro Nakamatsu, of Japan, for
photographing and analysing every meal he'd eaten since 1971.
- 1994 mathematics winners the Southern Baptist Church of Alabama,
for their county-by-county estimate of how many Alabama citizens
will go to
hell if they don't repent.
- 1997 entomology winner Mark Hostetler, of the University of
Florida, for his book That Gunk on Your Car, which
identifies insect splats on automobile windows.
- 2005 economics winner Gauri Nanda of the Massachusetts Institute
of Technology, for inventing an alarm clock that runs away and
hides.
- 2002 hygiene winner Eduardo Segura, of Tarragona, Spain, for
inventing a washing machine for cats and dogs.

Open Carry Legal in New Hampshire?

2007-08-09T07:01:00.001+10:00

Policing the police... I just wish it was more like this in other places. I like the end of it (the girl scout signs)

Banana Suicde

2007-08-09T06:26:00.001+10:00

They got sick of waiting to be eaten.

clipped from www.flickr.com

The Game

2007-08-07T09:11:00.001+10:00

the_game
Originally uploaded by recruitgroup2

You just lost...

Now that's a knife

2007-08-06T19:15:00.001+10:00

Only 141 functions though. I would really like more...

clipped from www.firebox.com

Banana's Redux

2007-08-06T08:02:00.001+10:00

Nice to see a happy ending..
At least for some

clipped from in.today.reuters.com

Chicken and rice ends Kolkata's thief's toilet trauma

Sun Aug 5, 2007 3:24 PM IST

KOLKATA (Reuters) - Dozens of bananas failed to do the trick but an Indian thief has finally produced a gold necklace he had snatched and then swallowed after police fed him a hearty meal of chicken, rice and local bread.
Sheikh Mohsin, 35, grabbed the 45,000-rupee necklace from a woman in Kolkata on Friday and popped it into his mouth when cornered by police.
Officers then fed him 40 bananas over a few hours believing they would act as a purgative, and sat back and waited for results.
Mohsin passed an uncomfortable night in jail, but not the piece of jewellery.
Police said on Sunday he was then given more substantial fare.
"Now he wants to go free and doesn't want to even hear about bananas any more," senior officer Gyanwant Singh told Reuters.
A tired and rueful Mohsin was, however, staring at 3 years in jail if convicted, Singh added.

Banana's anyone?

2007-08-05T14:33:00.001+10:00

I like this. I especially like the last bit

clipped from www.news.com.au

INDIAN police forced a thief to gobble down 40 bananas in a few hours, hoping they would force him to excrete a gold necklace he had snatched and swallowed.

Sheikh Mohsin, 35, grabbed the 45,000-rupee ($1300) necklace from a woman in the eastern city of Kolkata yesterday and popped it into his mouth when police and local residents caught him.

“He denied swallowing it at all, but an X-ray conducted in a hospital revealed the necklace was very much in his stomach,” Ajay Kumar, a leading city detective, told Reuters.

“Doctors advised us to feed him with bananas as it worked like a natural purgative,” another officer said, trying to keep awake after staying up all night monitoring Mohsin's motions.

Mohsin visited the lavatory three times early today and was also forced to vomit but the necklace has failed to appear.

“We will have to look for other stronger purgatives now,” the yawning police officer added.

NBC Dateline Reporter flees Defcon 15

2007-08-04T20:27:00.001+10:00

Now if they set her phone to a sex line it would be just about perfect.

9 things you'll be sorry to know

2007-08-03T15:31:00.001+10:00

Some of these I knew. All of them I wish I didn't know.

clipped from www.planetdan.net

Transformers sneakers

2007-08-01T23:25:00.001+10:00

Where were these things in the 80's.. I would have worn them then.. maybe.

clipped from tytka.blogspot.com

New flat

2007-08-01T19:27:00.000+10:00

I am only here because I thought it would be nice quiet settled area. Then I got notice of plans for a new flat. The plans say that there is space for everything. Well I don't think so.

In there, there is supposedly enough space for a car park and a small (very small from the plan) one bedroom flat. I am stuffed if I can see how the hell it would all fit.

Charles Manson Scientologist !

2007-08-01T06:19:00.001+10:00

Manson and Scientology, taken from cracked.com

clipped from www.cracked.com

#1: CHARLES MANSON: SCIENTOLOGIST

Best
Known For: viciously murdering people, ordering people to viciously
murder other people; carving swastikas into his forehead

Why You Wouldn't Expect Him To Be a Scientologist:
One of the biggest lunatics in American history is actually precisely
who we'd expect to be down on the ground with psychotic theories about
aliens and immortal spirits. But here’s the kicker: Manson took
over 150 hours of Scientology courses, rejected it as too crazy,
and then went on to murder a whole bunch of people.

We're just saying.

Connections: Peter "Big Gunner"
Skinner, the guard he supplies cigarettes to so he can avoid getting
raped all the time.

Presumed Thetan Level: Batshit insane,
but knows total bullshit when he sees it.

Before the gameboy there was game and watch

2007-07-29T15:39:00.002+10:00

Some old time games, done in flash so you can play them online.

Interesting enough I think

Airliners.net Photos: United Parcel Service - UPS Boeing 767-34AF/ER

2007-06-16T11:54:00.000+10:00

Airliners.net Photos: United Parcel Service - UPS Boeing 767-34AF/ER

Nice long exposure photo of plane taking off at night

The Largest island in a lake on an island in a lake

2007-06-12T19:36:00.001+10:00

...and other such lake/island records, such as the largest island in a lake on an island. Maps and/or photos for each one.

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