Killdozer Helicopter News Footage

Starts slowly but develops into the demolition of a town. Ouch...

Ramblings 2

Ramblings, or perhaps Ravings, Part two.

 

Time..  Or the extreme Lack of it.

 

A miracle has happened today.  The sun is out, the day is great, I feel like doing things and most imporatently of all I don't have visitors here.

 

That is change, a severe change for me.  I managed, somehow, to survive five years where I just could not go anywhere.  I would have people, none of who I wanted to see, banging on my door from 7:00am every day.

 

If I opened the door they would be there talking..  Moaning, Whining and complaining until I shut the door in there faces.  That was everyday for five years...  Every attempt to get away from that and to get back to something approaching normal life was blocked.  Every attempt.  Between the bullshit from my family.  ("You just can't be allowed to do that" which managed to translate as "You aren't allowed to do anything unless we discuss it for six months and take away anything that could possibly be of use to you, anything which could even begin to suggest that you may be able to do things without us knowing about in advance.  We must talk about it, make sure that we destroy anything you want or like and then leave you the shit that remains.." And yes they did say exactly that one day..) The worlds worst Real Estate Agent..  (Who is going to remain nameless for now..  Truth is no defense under Australian Libel laws..) And some of the biggest idiots I have ever met in blue clown suits it was a hard time.  Very hard..

 

I was forced to drop everything I once held sacred, simply in order to survive.  My family is poisoned the less contact I have with them the better.  My career went nowhere, and is now dead.  Rather than poison her as well I was forced to walk away from my daughter (it's now about 14 years since the last time I saw her).  I spent 7 years off the net.  For someone who was on the early internet right from the very begining that was perhaps the hardest of all.

Everyone I knew has moved on, while I could chase them up I see no point in it.  They are all, or mainly, net millionaires by now..  I am what I am, which is not all that much...

I was forced to drop all that simply to survive.  It was a horrid time.  A total lack of medical assistance is something else which I find unforgiveable in all that too.  There is a hell of lot of anger and frustration there.

I know, even without a lot of idiots trying to tell me, that then when you get down to it all that the anger and frustration does is to make my life worse.  I'm not affecting any others (at least once I moved away from Steve and stopped making his life the hell that he deserved)  the only person being hurt by the hate and the anger is me.  That however does not mean that I don't have the right to be angry (like some have claimed, including some who really should have known better)

Having said all that though no one, not me nor anyone else, can live entirely on hate.  It's a corrosive emotion, it bubbles through everything and ultimately all it does is to destroy.

Enigma.

 

Technorati Tags     family,rambling

Ramblings 1

This is actually what I'd always intended this blog to be from the start.  I never quite got there though. 

The blackness, the bleakness is finally starting to lift. 

Just being able to say that much is somewhat of a wonder.  The longer I think, the longer I'm out of the bleakness the less sure I become about when it started.  I wouldn't be too surprised if I have being in a continuous depression for most of my life.

However becoming less sure of myself, as I surface from the fog, is something which I should only expect.  That's how life is, or at least that's how my life is.  Something which I came across many years ago is still as relevant today as it was back then, and that is that "the more I know the less certain I become about anything."  A very wise man once told me that, like so much he taught I never found it false.

Yes that phrasing is strange, 'never found it false', but that is perhaps the best way to describe it.  My memory is too good.  The half spoken promises, the little white lies that everyone (or at least most in my experience) tells on a daily basis.  I can remember them, all of them, and that has managed to leave me more disappointed in man as a species than most could possibly imagine.

If there is a way for man (either as an individual or as a group) to stuff something up they will probably find it.  And if something works and doesn't stuff things up then someone will fix that mistake up, probably, just in time to inconvenience me.  Such is life though.

I am half out of the depression.  Some (or perhaps most!) of what is left the anger and everything else that I go through on a daily basis is purely from habbit.  I am used to depression and finding something to replace is something which I've yet to do.  It will come, in time..  One thing which I have above all else is time..

Technorati Tags     blog,hospital,depression,ramblings

out of luck

out of luck
Originally uploaded by Avi_Abrams

If only the same thing could happen to politicians while they have their snouts in the public trough.

Election Noise

Election day in Oz. Everyone goes flying out to vote.. The results, tonight (or Sunday) are going to surprise people I'd say. Everyone is tipping a Labor win. I doubt it.. Or at least it will not be the landslide that everyone keeps talking about.

4分半でわかるエヴァンゲリオンのエロいｼｰﾝ TV版

I've got no idea what that title actually says but this in as interesting (almost) NSFW montage of clips from Neon Genesis Evangelion. I can remember seeing some of it on tv...

howrudd

Another one from Redmond.. He has a very strange sense of humor.. Oh well he did start out as a programmer and no programmer is entirely sane.

Rabbit VS snake most viewed

This is interesting, not sure if it is just two pets or not. But definately fun